Thursday, January 27, 2005

Kellie Everts - Stripper For Christ

Josh Alan Friedman writes in When Sex Was Dirty:

Having self-published eight books on mystical theology ($10 a pop, mail order), Kellie has been waiting to engage Father Michael's opinion on them.

Kellie attends Mass twice a day and is sometimes the only worshipper present for the second one. She often donates part of her hefty burlesque salary to local church funds, "for Masses for the Souls in Purgatory." (One of her books, The Deliverance of Errol Flynn From Purgatory, is a "true story" describing Kellie's five-month rescue operation and conversations with the dead movie star, culminating in his deliverance.)

The Stripper for God believes other starlets degrade themselves in porn or lesbianism. Kellie has never yet involved herself in hardcore ----, other than splaying ----, --- and ---- as the Lord created it. She was the first female body builder in the United States, her six-page spread in Esquire introducing the concept. After the layout appeared, Honeysuckle Divine, then Screw's own outrageous stringer, latched onto Kellie. In the early '70s, Honeysuckle was billed on Times Square burlesque marquees as "The Dirtiest Girl On Earth." No one had a clue that she was really a Jekyll/Hyde case. A nun who left the convent like a werewolf when the moon was full. Finally ousted from the church, she pined to return to the convent. Honeysuckle's desire to return to God, juxtaposed with her arresting ---- career, had sent her careening into a loony bin. Kellie Everts, a kindred spirit, performed exorcisms on Honeysuckle, ridding ----ography demons from her soul. Honeysuckle returned to holy communion, studying the sacraments and living incognito in the straight world.