from Young Israel of Century City has only two vehicles in his household. Nebuch! I had no idea. Chaver, feel free to borrow my van at any time. Drive it into the YICC parking lot and you will get Maftir!
For tznious reasons, I would've placed your wife and daughters in the back while driving them to their appointments. They'd be the talk of the kehilla. The whole experience is guaranteed to help them pray harder.
Chaver replies: Levi: Thanks so much for your kind offer. It is tempting to commandeer your van and discover how the other half lives. Alas, I value my image as a wildly successful and powerful Hollywood [rabbi]. However, I will keep your offer in mind, in case I become completely self destructive. *** hesitates to step into the same room as you, so the chances of her catching a ride with you are about as good as me becoming the next Hershel Bernard.
Anonymous writes: I do not want to embarrass Mr. Ford, as this is not the Jewish way. Still, I was once in his van, and while he was standing outside it, arguing with the Mexican over our order of (kosher) tacos, I surreptitiously searched it for Shatnez. I found none. I checked some stains I found next to the drivers seat, but these proved not to be menstrual blood. There was a tattered and very realistic looking sheitel in the cargo space of the van, but genetic analysis of the hairs indicated that their origin was not from the scalp of a south asian woman. And as for the few bones I found nearby, the genetic tests I have done indicate that they were not porcine in nature. Hence, it is perfectly respectable for any respectable Jew to accept transportation from Luke Ford. --Your Moral Leader's Moral Leader
