Normally my life is an endless cycle of grim duties and stern responsibilities. Pleasure is something I think of as best left to the goyim.
One of the grimmest duties in my life, next to daily prayer, is going to the Post Office. Usually I am served incompetently by scowling affirmative-action hires.
Of late, however, a little ray of black sunshine has shone into my life. My local Post Office has a beautiful black woman behind the counter. She has never serviced me, but at least I get to look at her while I wait in line. She smiles and laughs with almost everyone. Her white teeth flash and her eyes make merry. She has no wedding ring.
But the good times don't stop here.
Librarians tend to be the one group of civil servants who are helpful. Of late my local library has had a beautiful young black woman behind the counter. I always hope that she will be the one who will check out my books and tapes.
I notice the Orthodox Jewish guys are always flirting with her. I want to feel like one of the kehilla, so I do too.
I remember this one black girl told me in 1995 that she had a problem with Orthodox Jewish men. Most of them wouldn't touch her, not even shake her hand. One man said that while he could not have --- with her, she could ---- him.
I met this Puerto Rican woman at a Dennis Prager singles event. She was warned by the secular Jews in her law office that she should stay away from Orthodox Jewish guys at Prager's event because they will only want to ---- her.
I believe I was able to show this woman a kinder gentler Orthodoxy.
That's me. Saving the world one woman at a time.
I wonder if either of these women (at the Post Office or the library) are interested in living in my hovel and converting to Orthodox Judaism through my own Beit Din (composed of Putative Marc, Chaim Amalek and Khunrum)?
If I were only married to a black woman, nobody could accuse me of racism. With such artistic freedom, I'd be sure to win a Pulitzer.
I could then classify my writing as a business owned by a black female, and we'd pull in major government contracts.
Maybe it would just be easier to stop writing unfunny, lame-ass prose in the voice of a 12-year-old girl?
