Cathy Seipp told me to be at the Beverly Hills Hilton at 11 a.m. sharp. So I drove up in my horrific van. I don't think the valets had ever seen a vehicle more hideous (it cost me $14, I could've bought two women in Brazil for that).
Matt Welch invited me to sit with him at one of the three ritzy tables that Reason magazine bought (with their ill gotten funds from child pornographers and drug dealers, I just made that up, I think it was witty).
I saw Amy Alkon talking to a tall man with long hair about atheism.
I introduced myself and shook hands with him. He said his name. I didn't get it. "Pat? Ted? Pet?"
"Penn!" he boomed. "Like Pennsylvania."
Turned out it was Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller, the Las Vegas magicians.
Penn looked ok, so it must've been Teller who got bit by the lion.
"No, that's that gay couple, Siegried and Roy" said a friend. I have no evidence to back up the assertion that Siegfriend and Roy swing from the other side of the vines.
Libertarian gatherings seem to attract a lot of atheists and cosmopolitan fifth column types like Amy Alkon who deride belief in angels and eternal universal transcendent moral norms dictated by the One True God of Israel. I sure hope there's eternally burning hellfire for these infidels. The Taliban knew how to treat shameless hussies like Alkon.
Islam is the answer and in Islam there are no questions.
TOSSING CATO'S SALAD
After the First Amendment panel discussion, a group of distinguished persons including Cathy Seipp gathered around me to ask for my help defining such phrases as tossing someone's salad.
When, reluctantly, I defined the term, Cathy got a grossed out look on her face and said she was leaving.
I wasn't convinced. She put on the same act when she asked me to describe "double ----" a few months ago. It led to a lengthy discussion of changing social norms on our way to a party thrown by The Atlantic with Christopher Hitchens and Martin Amis.
Cathy could not understand how "tossing salad" could derive from such an abhorrent practice and I was too embarrassed to try to defend the etymology.
Starting Wednesday night, Rosh Hashanah, I am swearing off salad tossing, no matter how much Cathy pleads with me to do it.
Cathy, Matt and Emmanuelle Richard arrived 30 minutes late to the show and didn't sit with me, which put me in a peevish mood until lunchtime when Cathy tossed my salad. I then ate it with my fingers and explained to the onlookers that I was raised by Aboriginees.
Through conversation with Matt, I worked out that I am libertarian in the way I live but conservative in my political philosophy and Orthodox in my religious ideals.
I ask Matt what he likes to think about while listening to Cato lectures, a question that is only funny when you know that the first thing I ever said to Matt, back in June 1998, was what did he like to think about while engaging in an activity similar to listening Cato lectures but more pleasurable.
Senator Tom McClintock gave a sterling address about fiscal responsibility. I got so excited (the one brand of libertarianism I subscribe to is Charles Murray's), I asked a question: "Why isn't somebody doing something about the flood of illegals into this state?"
I got all weak in the knees addressing Tom.
He said it was a good question.
I sent this note to the editor of Reason, Nick Gillespie, an icon in the gay community along with Tammy Faye Baker:
Dear Dr. Gillespie,
First, thank you for hosting me for a lovely time today at the Cato shindig. Cool lunch. Hope it was kosher.
Second. Matt talked about taking a position with Reason. I asked him if Reason provided benefits such as health care. He said it did.
SELL OUT! How can you in good conscience offer these things? Why not leave it up to your employees to acquire their own benefits in the beautiful free marketplace? You'll throw the poor on the street but those who happen to be able to write and to claim they hold with your principles, you lavish them in the lap of your own socialistic enterprise (funded not by your own labors but by donors).
Curiously,
Luke
PS Your publisher says you like to bugger little boys.
