A Muslim friend invited me to an ecumenical Bible study Wednesday night in Studio City with believers from all three of the monotheistic religions.
Imagine my surprise when I found it was being held at a nightclub and there were a lot of scantily clad, not particularly religious, young women.
We didn't get much studying done last night but we all did get to know each other better and learn to appreciate our differences.
As I started to press the flesh, the dancing girls transmogrified in my mind into Orthodox rabbis. They stared into my soul. Though they say not a word, I could hear their thoughts:
- You're an insincere convert.
- You said you weren't doing this anymore.
- I stuck my neck out for you and you betrayed me. You went back on your word.
- I introduced you to my family.
- We can't have this in our community.
- Two people came over to me during Rosh Hashanah davening to tell me about you.
- I taught you Torah for two years, and now you do this?
- I vouched for you. I never heard of Luke Ford. I only knew you as Chaim Amalek. We're returning your $600 donation. Thank you very much, but we don't want your filthy tainted money.
- I think it is clear that this is not the place you should pray.
- You want to touch someone? Touch me. Feel my tzitzit. Feel the wrath of God.
- Time to pack you off to Pure Life Ministry in Kentucky.
