A former girlfriend (the only kind I have, alas) writes: "Luke, why don't you tell these women the truth, that you are not willing to go down on them..." That's true, but it isn't really true as well. You see, I am eager to do all that the torah does not prohibit, and the torah does not prohibit oral sex. So I am down with going down. BUT I am saving myself for my bride, too. On my wedding night, I want her to have a clean, disease free man at her disposal, which I currently am. I have been able to maintain myself in this pristine state by adhering rigorously to CDC guidelines for safe sex, which means I always wear a condom. And it also means that I do not do oral sex on a woman, because that is not in any way, shape or form safe(r) sex. Were I to engage in that activity, I'd be running the risk of contracting herpes, chalmydia, HPV (which causes warts and cervical cancer), and lots of other pathogens that once caught, are there for life. So it is out of concern for the health of the woman I wish to marry that I choose not to engage in any of this before I stand with her beneath the chupah. (Now, don't lecture me about using dental dams - those things are really gross, and I don't think anyone really uses them anyway.) Now - what's for dinner?
