This week’s Torah portion is Parashat Tetzaveh (Exodus 27:20-30:10).
I talk to myself constantly and much of it is bloody stupid.
I was just lying down and thinking about my life and the dumb things I’ve told myself over the past forty years.
* You can get away with it!
* They’ll never know!
* You’re special!
* The rules don’t apply to you!
* I’m a writer and I can go anywhere and do anything because it is all for my art!
* There’s a new sheriff in town!
* This isn’t really cheating!
* I’ve changed!
* Why don’t they like me?
* It’s hopeless!
* I’m sunk!
* I’m invincible!
* More attention for me!
* Wouldn’t I look interesting if I went in this direction?
I went through feelings of frustration, anger and despair today/this week/year/decade as I struggle to belatedly take care of things I should’ve tackled decades ago.