(If any of the following offends you, my yetzer hora, Chaim Amalek, wrote it against my wishes. I mean it.)
So I was thinking that I need to use my ample leisure time to expand my mind, and that one way of doing this would be to learn a new language, but which one? I thought of going for yiddish, but that seems to be to be the language of people who are pretty ignorant about such things as fire and electricity. Besides, the women who speak that dead tongue have shaved heads. (And it just occurs to me that Hitler shaved the heads of Jewish women, so was he acting out of concern for their modesty? Maybe the rabbinate that supports the sheitel industry can chew this one over.) I was going to study spanish, but my friend Cathy has convinced me that it is the language of my social inferiors, to the extent that I have any. I don't need to learn to communicate with a guy holding a leaf blower any better than I already can. French? That's not me. The French are going Arab on us, so if I wanted to communicate with these people, I'd study Arabic. Which is a possibility. German? Lots of smart people speak it, and their women are well, not that hot. Maybe Swedish or Norwegian? My friend Chaim tells me that Norwegian women are the hottest women on the planet, and who can disagree with Chaim? Chinese, perhaps? I don't know - don't they eat dogs, cats, and rats? Dear gentle readers, please counsel me as to which foreign language I ought to learn to read.
