My sperm have been posting on Cathy Seipp's blog: "Luke thinks the world of you and would never utter any criticism of you in public or in private. (I know, as I am privy to his every thought.) Would that he could say the same thing about you."
Cathy replies: "I love Luke, but until he stops sleeping on the floor (among other things -- like having his "sperm" leave messages here) he is not husband material."
My sperm reply: "Yes, Luke is a man of many seasons, and yes, he has a style that is all his own, but so what? Look at the worst men out there who have married. Would not their wives have been better off if one of their lady friends had offered to fix them up with a man who maybe was a little "different", but still good at heart? That is all we are asking of you, that you look beyong the social convention of your peer group and see the goodness that is in our nuclei."
An anonymous poster writes: "I used to date this guy, and I cannot believe he is still available. Ladies, he is amazing, both in and out of temple, if you know what I mean. So long as you are willing to go to the mikvah (a requirement that only applies to Jewish women anyway), he is up for everything you might want."
Fear not, your efforts on my behalf will not, like the seed of Onan, go to waste. Any good woman you might pass my way who is not Jewish will be passed along to my other bachelor friends to pick over. My friend Chaim Amalek, in particular, is not at all picky about matters theological.
Girly replies: Oh, wow, really? Why didn't you say so? In that case, I have no hesitation but to send you the particulars of every hot single shiksa I know. I laud your non-discriminatory ways.
Luke Ford is an equal opportunity employer. That should be your strapline - use that, sit back, and let the women swarm over you like flies on ships.
