Friday, July 23, 2010

Reclaiming Simcha After Tragedy

Listen here to this lecture.

“Reclaiming Simcha After Tragedy”
by civil trial attorney Baruch C. Cohen
at the 6th Yahrtzeit of Moshe Hammer

1. Grieving
a. Pain of being a bereaved parent is so great - unlike any pain
b. Derech Hatevah: Children are to bury their parents not the other way
c. Sheri Mandel’s the Blessings of a Broken Heart: Went from being pain to having pain, migrated out
d. Shikchah - Yaakov - Gezeirah Al Hameis Shenishtakach Min Halev
e. No word for bereaved parent: Orphans, widows, none for bereaved parent

2. Consoling
a. Comforting words the consolers use, creates expectations that are unmet adding to pain
b. ‘Life will never be the same’
i. ABA Journal Cover - When the Detour Becomes the Destination
ii. Being Derailed from one set of tracks but replaced on another in forward gear
c. ‘Lost your child’, maintaining a kesher with the Neshama - next room

3. Healing
a. Hashem is the Rofeh Lishburei Lev - the healer of the Broken Heart
b. One must acknowledge that they have a broken heart - pain
c. Dangers of unresolved grief, excessive grief, and unaddressed grief
d. Basketball swept under the carpet

4. Shulchan Aruch – Mishenichnas Adar Marbim BeSimcha, Mishenichnas Av MiMaatim BeSimcha

5. Ramchal’s Carving out Simcha Mitoch Tzarah

6. Gesher Hachaim - 4 births: 2 babies in the womb, not the end, the beginning

7. Bilah HaMoves Lanetzach, Umacha Hashem Elokim Dimah Meyal Kol Ponim - May He swallow up death forever; may Hashem wipe away tears from every face (Isaiah 25:8) Te'hei Nishmasa Tzrurah B'tzror Ha'chaim.