Monday, June 07, 2010

I Hate It When My Body Gives Me Away

I was just washing my hands before taking up the sacred task of blogging.

I looked into the mirror and saw a thumping under my left eye. Thump, thump, thump. Who knew I had a pulse under my left eye?

I think of myself as cool, calm and collected. I am Your Moral Leader. I am not supposed to be susceptible to the typical emotions that plague mortals.

Yet here I sit at my computer and there's an involuntary thumping under my left eye.

I hate that!

I remember the one time I lived with a woman. It was the summer of 1993. We were lying in bed together and she was laying out her problems with me. And the more she spoke, the more my chest flushed red and I got this big angry blotch of hives.

"Your chest flushes red whenever you feel like you are ill-treated," she said.

And she was right.

Oy, and then there were all those times in grade school when I had such a massive erection, I could not get up from my desk without giving myself away (not too much that the pooling of blood in my nether regions would probably have caused me to faint).

Oy, I'm remembering my first love. It was the summer of 1982. We were frolicking in the Pacific Union College pool in Angwin, CA.

This little black boy with a swimming mask surfaced and said to me in front of my beloved, "Why is your penis sticking out like a lance?"