A never married beauty tells me: "On Sunday, all I could think about was being back at work. I was just furious. It's just been so hard at work. I have rage. I'm exhausted. I've avoided working almost my entire life. I've put it off as long as I could. I had this thing about not working. On some level, it makes me feel that I am not loved. That I shouldn't have to work.
"I know where I got it from. It's why I didn't work in school and was furious that I had to.
"I have a really strong sense of entitlement. Also, an incredibly low sense of self-worth."
"Where does your self-worth come from?" I ask.
"Ninety percent of it from how I look," she says. "I just find it shocking that I have to work. That's only a part of me. The other part of me wants to be out in the world doing things.
"There are days that I drive to work and I'm sitting there talking to my inner child. You're not coming with me. You can go to the movies and eat lots of chocolate. I have to send her away so I can deal with the day. A lot of my nature is to just fuck off and sleep all day and eat bon-bons.
"I'd rather feel angry than sad because it is more powerful, but when I go to anger it immediately slips into depression, anger turned inward."
"A part of you expected to be married and taken care of," I say.
"Yeah," she says. "Or at least taken care of. At least by my parents. I don't know why. They practically abandoned me and I felt like I shouldn't have to do anything.
"I never believed in marriage. It's not the fairy princess thing. Good luck random stuff has always happened to me. I thought I would get by on my looks. It makes me mad I have to get by on my brains and it doesn't matter how I look."
