I am coming to the conclusion that that if a bocher and a girl actually go on a date – a mazel tov to both sides is warranted. It means that each had successfully passed an intense, all encompassing inspection and scrutiny that would be the envy of any secret government agency. Getting “approved”, and considered worthy to go out with someone, is getting to be a cause for celebration!
It seems that more than ever friends who have kids in the “parshah” have been complaining about how hard it is to get a “yes” –for a first date – even for their sons. It’s not so much that they aren’t getting names or suggestions, it’s just that by the time people “check” – more often than not they are told that the shidduch isn’t “shayach – it’s not appropriate.”
It’s a puzzlement for many and they scratch their heads in wonder because, on the surface, the “couple” is compatible in so many ways. So why the rejection?
After hearing a comment this past Shabbat, while enjoyinglunch with several friends and new acquaintances, I’ve begun to understand how this sad state of affairs has come to pass.
What I heard is that some people, when redd a shidduch with a family they are not familiar with– hire a private detective to get “information.” I’m glad I didn’t have food in my mouth at the time, because I know that my jaw dropped considerably at this news.
Immediately, the image of a bespectacled, heimeshe couple talking to a beefy, hard-nosed detective popped into my mind. I imagined a tichel and robe wearing woman shouting, as the detective walked away with a list of what to check out, “ Make sure you note what brand of gefilte fish she serves, and if she uses silverware or plastic.”
I would have laughed - except I felt too sad. Interestingly, the last time I had simultaneous conflicting feelings was when I had the flu many years ago, and I was hot and chilled at the same time.
