Friday, January 06, 2006

Narcissists In Love

According to My Moral Leader, I "must" guest blog for him during his five day "spiritual retreat" in Las Vegas.

I've been given a list of topics that I can and cannot discuss: no Kitten Natividad (of course); no Holly Randall (who?); but lots about Luke Ford -- the hovel-dwelling, moral-leading Jewish theologian.

Yeah, sure.

I haven't been reading Luke Ford for weeks. I needed a little break from all the self-absorption.

So, after being given my guest blogging instructions, I decided to check out the Luke Ford Family of Blogs™, including the naughty one (that I'm not allowed to mention). Perhaps, I hoped, Mr Ford has changed; perhaps he is now a more outward-focused, giving, and thoughtful human being, entering into mature, healthy relationships with other similarly well-grounded people.

Er, no.

If anything, Hovel Boy™ seems to be regressing.

Since I'm not allowed to discuss Holly Randall, I will discuss a completely different person: Rolly Handall (not her real name).

If I have the story right, Our Moral Leader started dating Rolly last Fall. Soon, Luke, a hopeless romantic, fell madly in love with the Shiksa goddess.

Luke's invisible friends [!] (i.e., the voices inside his head[!!]) convinced him that soon he'd be marrying Rolly and moving into her fabulous Malibu mansion (with its cosy book-lined study overlooking rolling hills, and horses, and a sandy beach, and the Pacific Ocean), and starting a family of ridiculously good-looking Aryan children (raised as Orthodox Jews, of course).

Too good to be true?

Afraid so.

In fact, Rolly didn't even know that Luke was her "boyfriend," and couldn't even be bothered to invite him to her parent's New Year's Eve party.

Undeterred, Our Moral Leader attends the big party. As he chats with prospective father-in-law Kumphrey Hnipe (not his real name), imparting some much needed Dennis Prageresque wisdom on the old boy, he can't help but notice his "girlfriend" throwing herself (all ho-like) at various "gentlemen," including ex-boyfriends. Eeeeewwwww!

Luke Ford, the sensitive artiste-type, storms out of the house and races back to Hovelworld™ (in the Serial Killer Van™), where he writes an angry email to Rolly announcing that the marriage is off and their relationship is over.

The End.

So what is the moral of this heartbreaking story of unrequited love/lust?

Is it that mixed relationships don't work? That a socially conservative, religious Jew like Our Moral Leader needs to stick with his own kind (who hate and reject and refuse to have sex with him), rather than running after a pagan princess (with whom he has been having weeks of blissful, chemically-enhanced sex)?

Hell, no!

The problem is that Luke Ford is a narcissist, and he must be the centre of attention in a romantic relationship. His partner must play the supporting role -- financial and emotional -- paying his (modest) bills and constantly stroking his fragile ego. Rolly, alas, is also an attention hog. She even has her own interior-type blog: a tell-tale sign of NPD.

Let's be real: there can only be one superstar in a successful relationship. Around here that superstar is Luke Ford. And don't you forget it!