Flyover Country

Yourmoralleader is somewhere over Middle America, headed west to the hovel.

His mission in Tampa complete, we anxiously await the next chapter...

The Humiliation Continues

Apparently I'm a girl.

Here's my picture. Does that look like a girl to you, Bill?

I didn't think so. Thanks for the compliment about my writing, though.

Of course, I know full well just how worthless male compliments are when the intended recipient is a woman, or thought to be a woman. This is not to say that men lie to women, although we do (a lot); it's more a comment on male gullibility.

A year or so ago there was a controversy about the lack of big name female bloggers. Male writers, supposedly, were failing to link and promote the many talented women political bloggers. At least this is what some women (i.e., lesbians) thought.

A lot of women (and not just lesbians) don't understand the male mind. As if men are going to ignore women who write about politics (or sports, or computers, or cars). Ever heard of Michelle Malkin? Or consider the case of Libertarian Girl. A young man worked very hard on his political blog for months on end. But he just couldn't generate traffic. So he decided to call himself "Libertarian Girl," added a picture of a blonde woman (from a Russian mail order bride service), and immediately his hit total went through the roof. Why? Because men are stupid.

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I was watching a reality show and started to post comments on a message board. I thought my comments were interesting and thoughtful, but hardly anyone seemed to agree. I'd start a new thread and ... nothing. I was being ignored. I hate that!

So, as an experiment, I created a new account with a female name. I started posting exactly the same kind of observations and, as if by magic, other posters (i.e., men) started to respond enthusiastically to my comments, saying how interesting and thoughtful they were. It didn't stop there, though. Some started emailing me to compliment me on my perceptiveness. One creep even wanted me to go over to his place and ...

Eeeeewwwww!

Men are gullible, stupid, and gross.

Why do women put up with us? Perhaps because we enjoy spending money on them. I'd really be interested to find out how much money Michelle Malkin makes from her blog. I bet she doesn't live in a hovel.

Men are incredibly foolish when it comes to women and money. There's even a columnist for a weekly magazine in Orange County (who will go nameless, but here's a pic), who constantly asks men to send her money and presents. And guess what? They do! Why? Because men are gullible, stupid, gross, and pathetic.

You'd think lots of men would start political blogs pretending to be attractive young women, complete with bogus pictures. Just add a Paypal button and ... easy money. I'm sure of it.

This was my mistake, because I'm still waiting for Luke Ford to pay me the $100 (actually, I think it's now up to $140) that he owes me for guest blogging. He's giving me the run around. Now he tells me he just doesn't have the money to pay me. This is an outrage! How can someone who goes on one fabulous vacation after another (London, Paris, and Florida), turn around and say he can't pay his guest bloggers? Next week he'll probably announce that he's going on a year-long world cruise, and taking a half-a-dozen teenage girls with him.

I really think that you (Bill), me, and Al should get together and launch a class action lawsuit. It's the only way we'll get paid ... unless we're prepared to undergo sex change operations.

-- by the Luke Ford Fan Blogger

I'm not sure I like This

I just heard that yourmoralleader was lying back in a lawnchair, poolside, in the greater Tampa Bay Area. The light is on in the deep end and the warm light glows from below the diving board. He's talking (slurring, actually) to another blog owner and bragging : "my guest bloggers are better than your guest bloggers".

Better for him, that is.

Word is that the other bloggers guest blogger gets free run of said bloggers apartment, complete with a stocked refrigerator, and that said bloggers digs aren't a hovel. The other bloggers apartment has wall to wall carpet, as if there's any other kind, and it has NO pet stains.

Well, I just hope that yourmoralleader enjoys himself at our expense, and remembers that the single malt he drinks neat tonight is paid for by our blood, sweat and tears and so-called $20.00/post.

Sun City Center and Free Vacation Getaways.

Well, I can't speak for what my co-guest-blogger says, and I hate to follow her posts. They're so witty and so much in the true spirit of lukeford.net that I just want to step back and read them over and over again. Luckily, they usually get picked up and re-posted elsewhere on the net so I get to see them more than once or twice.

I don't know about the extra curriculars ourmoralleader may be engaging in while on Florida's gold coast but I do know why he went. The great Luke Ford has reached that stage in a Jews life that he begins to plan for the future. He begins looking for his place in the sun, replete with shuffleboard, Buicks, golf carts, pick-up chess matches under kapok trees and early bird specials. Being a newly minted west coast Jew you might think he'd look in Arizona or New Mexico, where condo prices are more reasonable and the infrastructure less taxed but Luke knows what we know. The best Jews in North America are from New York, and New York Jews move to Florida.

So, in response to a 4 color postcard solicitation delivered straight to the hovel by a branch of the Unites States Government, Luke headed to the greater Tampa Bay Area for a four hour, no obligation presentation of the amenities and benefits of living out his golden years in Sun City Center Though this is a 55 plus community, ourmoralleader must be prepared for what the future holds. Besides, playing the part of a 55 yo is no stretch for him.

Though I'm waiting patiently, I haven't heard if he put his deposit down on a condo on the fairway or opted for the townhouses closer to shopping. I do know he had a problem with security, and it had to do with the thumb operated bell on the three wheeled bicycle he was riding and an unbalanced load in the rear basket. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured and the resolution was amicable.

So, don't be surprised if future updates are timestamped in EST and the focus turns to the rising price of everything. Luke's at home now, and not likely to return.

Godspeed, Luke. Godspeed.

Bill

PS, Should you see her, please tell Rabbi Kami I said hello.

Judeo-Pagan Chicks Rule

Luke Ford has asked me to guest blog for him (again). I reluctantly agreed (again) -- knowing full well that I was about to get screwed (again).

Because some people think I lie -- which is rubbish -- here, in full, is Mr Ford's original email sent to me before his trip to Europe: "Would you like to guest blog on Lukeford.net?"

Mr Ford is certainly a man of few words, and those few words clearly state that I was offered to blog on his main site, not his backup blog: a blog with a horrible template; a blog that nobody reads; a blog that I didn't even know existed until he told me that he had changed his mind that I wasn't to pollute his precious Lukeford.net site with my potentially offensive scribblings. And now he's doing it to me again -- and, worse still, making no announcement whatsoever that there will be guest bloggers during his Tampa trip.

What is My Moral Leader thinking? Is he trying to humiliate me? Was I too understated in communicating my displeasure at being banished here during Luke Ford's Euro Teen Tour 2005?

According to Kate Fox, as cited by Luke Ford:

Ideally, the English male would rather not issue any definite invitation at all, sexual or social, preferring to achieve his goal through a series of subtle hints and oblique manoeuvres, often so understated to be almost undetectable. This "uncertainty" principle has a number of advantages: the English male is not required to exhibit any emotions ...

That sounds just like me! Apparently Mr Ford's Cro-Magnon Australian brain doesn't get subtlety. Obviously I have been overly oblique and emotionally restrained. So I will put things in terms that Mr Ford can understand:

HOW DARE YOU TREAT ME -- YOUR NUMBER ONE[ish] FAN -- THIS WAY, YOU BASTARD!

I'm so furious. I can't even think straight. My blogging will be even more lame than usual.

I wouldn't mind it so much if I could get a straight answer out of the dude. He still won't tell me why he de-linked my fan site. He won't tell me when, or if, he will pay the $100 he owes me from my first stint as a guest blogger. He wouldn't even explain to me why he's going to Tampa. When I pressed him, he answered obliquely, almost English-like, something about a big convention for moral leaders.

"Oh really?" I said. "I suppose your moral leader, the Great Dennis Prager, will be attending?"

"I don't know, maybe ..." Rat Bastard mumbled.

"Speak up," I demanded.

Rat Bastard said: "I gotta pack. Bye."

Well, I've been doing some research on the Internet about this moral leader conference. And, yes, indeed such a meeting is taking place between October 6-11 in Tampa, Florida. It's a convention of leading Jewish theologians from across America. All the different branches of the Jewish family will be there: Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, Humanistic (i.e., atheist), Judeo-Pagan.



The Judeo-Pagan delegation especially caught my eye. They're all females. That's a bit strange, I thought. Then again the Judeo-Pagans are different. They don't observe the Halakhah. They don't even believe in the Jewish G-d. Rather, they believe in doing whatever you feel, whenever you feel like it, which kind of defeats the purpose of religion doesn't it? You'd think.

A lot of them seem to be converts, or at least that's the impression I got from looking at the names of the various Judeo-Pagan rabbis set to speak. Some like Rabbi Katie Gold and Rabbi Daphne Rosen are presumably ethnic Jews, but others I'm not so sure about. Rabbis Mari Possa, Rita Faltoyano, and Flower Tucci sound ethnic Italians. Rabbi Carmen Luvana could be Cuban, but there's a small Jewish community in Cuba, so it's difficult to know for sure. Rabbi Courtney Cummz, who will be lecturing on the concept of Tikkun Olam, doesn't sound Jewish at all. I'll have to ask Mr Ford about this when he returns from the conference -- assuming he's still talking to me.

-- by the Luke Ford Fan Blogger

Here we go Again

I capitalize letters based on how I think they will look on the page. Especially in subject lines.

I want to do my best for Luke while he's jetting off to Florida, U-S-A so expect to hear more from me soon. For once I know why he's headed southeast and I intend to spill it all.

Bill