Friday, September 23, 2005

Mission To Britain

Why has the Great Luke Ford travelled to Britain? His objectives are twofold.

First, he singlehandedly seeks to bring ethical monotheism and transcendental direction into the lives of Britain's wretched secular masses. According to a recent public survey, 40 per cent of Britons don't believe in G-d. (Actually, 52 per cent of American Jews don't believe in G-d, so Mr Ford needn't have travelled half way around the world to minister to the lost and confused.)

Second, Mr Ford is (still) looking for his future wife and, disappointed with American women, is now searching the length and breath of Old Blighty for his one true (submissive) love. A bit of advice. Avoid the "women" of London: butch, rude, unpleasant, feministical -- they're just awful.

Perhaps in the English countryside, or better yet up North, Mr Ford may find a fair lady to his liking. Initial reports suggest he's already having some success in Cambridgeshire (see below).

So far so good, but Mr Ford would be better served if he focused less on teenagers (and the elderly) and more on women his own age (save five or ten years).

Luke Ford's decision to abandon American women is a wise one. He appears to be following the advice of the Great Fred Reed, author of the wonderful essay "Marriage, Horror, and Susan Reimer," wherein Mr Reed explains why American women are an "international horror":
Because of The Chip. The Attitude. The bandsaw whine of anger, anger, anger ... It's there. It's real.

You, a young man, may not recognize the Chip if you have never seen normal, warm, happy women. If you are twenty-something and haven't been out of the US, you haven't seen them. They exist by the billion — in Latin America, Singapore, Taiwan, Malaya, China and, last I looked, France and Holland.


Susan Reimer [
a columnist at the Baltimore Sun] is what is out there, guys: bitter that no one wants her (as who in his right mind could?), sure that no one is good enough for her, never having grasped that those who would be loved must first be lovable. Understand this: Susan is America.
So, if Mr Ford can't find his one true love in England, he shouldn't despair. Keep looking, Luke. Mr Reed suggests: "[T]ry Singapore. Argentina is splendid. Many places are. You would be amazed. See what's out there before you marry a gringa with her Inner Susan ..."

by the Luke Ford Fan Blogger