OBDSM: The Orthodox-Jewish Bondage-Domination Sado-Masochism Connection
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
Who are we?
We are women and men, Ashkenazi, Sefardi, Hasidim, Europeans, Americans, Asians, Lithuanians, yeshiva educated and university graduates, old and young, passionate and cool. We share a fetish or kink in our makeup or proclivity. I.e. our appetites, leanings or tendencies require/desire Bondage or Domination or Submission or Sadism or Masochism or any permutation of the above for sexual function.
What are we OBDSMs doing?
We are practicing the following kinky/fetish/perverted behaviors in our personal sexual activities. Some of us, (lucky ones?) with consensual spouses, others look for it outside the home.
Age Play
Acucullophallia (being cut)
Algolagnia (love of pain)
Altocalciphilia (high heels)
Amputees
Arse – ass play
Asphyxiaphillia (breath play)
Autoerotica (masturbation)
Blindfolds
Blood
Body hair
Bondage
Branding
Breast and nipple torture
Caging
Candle wax
Chastity devices
Chinese balls
Cling film
Cock and ball torture
Coprophilia (shit play)
Collar and lead
Cupping (suction of the skin)
Dacryphilia (arousal from tears)
Denim
Depilation (shaving)
Diaper fetishes
Discipline
Dildos
Domination
Ears
Exhibitionism
Electro-torture (EMS TENS units)
Feathers
Fisting
Gangbangs
Handcuffs/shackles
Hair pulling
Klismaphilia (douching/enema)
Lace
Latex
Leather
Masks
Nipples
Nurse/doctor fetish
Oral fixation
Paddling/spanking
Play piercing
Play rape
Piercings
Power exchange
The rack
Religious (Rebbe – rebbetzin play)
Retifism (shoes or boots)
Rimming
Role-playing
Rubber
Scent
slave/Master
Tatooing
Tongue fetish
Total power exchange (24/7)
“Toys”
Transvestitism (cross-gender dressing)
Urolagnia (piss-play)
Vibrators
Voyeurism
Whips
If you are wondering why so many of the hitherto anonymous activities you have been enjoying have weird Pseudo-Latin-Scientific names? It has been suggested that their purpose is simply to remind you that nothing you have done is so unique it has not already been named.
What could possibly be Orthodox Jewish in this context?
Orthodox Jewish describes you if you are trying to be Shomer Shabbat, Kashrut, Taharat HaMishpacha, and you don’t consider the UJA Kol Nidre appeal your first and only Tzedaka obligation.
Obviously, some of the activities mentioned above are explicitly forbidden Torah prohibitions. Some, such as those posing a risk to health, are covered by blanket prohibitions against dangerous activities, (V’Nishmartem M’Od L’Nafshoteichem). Others by prohibitions against disgusting behaviors, (B’Al Teshakatzu et Nafshoteichem) Most are prohibited even if they are permissible technically, (Naval Bi’Rishut HaTorah).
We do them anyway, and that is the reason for this List.
Many of us have felt internally self- exiled from the mainstream of Jewish life by our kinks. As practicing members of the Orthodox Jewish Community, our own synagogue society and Torah culture has prevented us from identifying and/or corresponding with one another. Many OBDSMs have expressed the sentiment that while they can imagine never having sex again, they cannot imagine surviving in the closet another day. This list attempts to provide safe place to chat and be heard.
What is OBDSM not?
This forum is not a place for mental health professionals to solicit business. It is not sex-therapy or group therapy. It is not a place to pick up sex-partners or exchange pictures. It is not Hefker!
Did I actually write that?
What is encouraged or discouraged on the OBDSM list?
Well, e.g. writing and asking about the Halachic controversy over anal-sex is ok. Ditto for writing and asking about body piercing or where to find a doctor who is sensitive to the concerns of Orthodox Jewish gay women and men, or how to address safety issues. Writing and telling people on this list what they may or may not do about anal-sex, body piercing or anything else is a no-no.
Also not ok is posting political screeds from either Peace-Now or YESHA. Announcements are ok. Advice is ok. Boring, repetitious posts concerning new virus alerts are not.
Talking about a compulsion to use a burning Shabbat candle in order to obey some extreme kinky desire is ok. Telling someone they are a Sheygetz/Shiksa because they use a particular brand of cling film that does not have an OU Hechsher is not ok.
Do you get the picture?
Is there an OBDSM bottom line?
Disrespectful posts about another member of this list will earn instant and permanent exclusion from the list, without warnings.
Must I write into the list?
Well, it would be nice hear from you once in a while. Especially when you first arrive. We’d like to know something, anything about you. Where you are, e.g. Williamsburg-Brooklyn, or Bondi-Beach- New South Wales. Tell us please what gender you are, and whatever information about yourself you feel safe telling other anonymous people. It’s ok to “lurk” on the list and not contribute anything, preferring to remain an observer. Feel free to jump in and say something about something you think is important.
What are OBDSM Munches?
Munches are monthly or occasional get-togethers, usually in a café or restaurant outside your local Jewish neighborhood where we meet for an hour or two of chat and non-cholov-yisroel coffee. Their purpose, like this list, is to break out of our isolation and help develop some type of network of like-minded people.
Enjoy, enjoy!
